Beware These Words - “Rock and Roll Hotel”

Maybe if I was in my early twenties and doing my first ever tour...maybe if I was in my forties taking a break from the steady job with a wild weekend...maybe if I was still interested in hotels with “character” - perhaps then I would enjoy the prospect of staying in a rock and roll hotel.  But on a cold night in Hamburg, after an 8 hour drive (although I’m lucky I still haven’t mastered the art of the stick shift so Eric does the driving), getting lost in the docks of one of the largest shipping ports in Europe and finally playing for 2 hours to a small but enthusiastic crowd, the last thing I want to do is check into a room called “Disco Dream.”  In fact it’d be best if the room didn’t have a name at all.

But check into Disco Dream we did, after determining that the shabby hotel just off the Reeperbahn was indeed The Place Where The Bands Stay, as the brochure proudly proclaimed (I should point out that in Europe promoters arrange and pay for the hotels). It also guaranteed that as a guest of the hotel You’ll Never Sleep Alone, which had me carefully examining the shiny sheets and sandpaper-like towels.  There were lurid turquoise walls and a sad little disco ball hanging from the low ceiling, with assorted 80's album covers as artwork.  The high point was when Eric tossed that obscure classic LP “Punk Will Never Die” behind a dresser.  The low point was trying to sleep without actually touching the sheets or blanket.

The next morning I was at least able to laugh about it: the lesbians making out at the bar when we were trying to check in.  The goofy rockabilly bartender who was also the desk clerk, the "desk" being the smoke-filled bar.  The shower in the basement that was out of order, which was probably a blessing.  How there was an actual neon sign flashing on and off outside the window.  How fortunate I felt to have saved a curtain clip from some Crowne Plaza hotel, to keep the flimsy curtains shut.  How the idea of "rock and roll" has ultimately become something to be avoided.  Until the next show anyway.